Re-normalization

Over the last several months, my general health condition and state of being have, for the most part, gone down the crapper.

My eyes have suffered a continual state of pain on two fronts: the back of my eye has endured terrible photophobic pain, and the front of my eye has felt what I can only describe as thousands of needles all stabbing at once when I watch TV or read. After a great deal of investigation I have concluded that lasers in the physics lab affected my eyes; however, the affectation would not have occurred were I not at the time taking a triple-header of allergy medicines that adversely affect eye sensitivity.

I have since cut out all of these medicines from my bloodstream, and it appears to have done some good. My eyes have not fully recovered and I can't surely say they will, but they do appear to have mended a bit.

What I never expected from this whole ordeal was the mental toll the eye problems have wrought. The sensitivity to light makes it impossible for me to go outside without sunglasses on. You want to walk outside to let someone into the apartment and you make them wait in the cold because you can't find your sunglasses. You want to go look out the window to check the weather - but first, sunglasses. Is it raining? Sorry, still have to put them on. I just desperately want to see the world just for once unfiltered by a piece of grey plastic.

And this has made practically every branch of my field of study that I know of seriously dangerous to my vision. What field of interesting physics doesn't use a laser? I don't have the brains to do only theory. I don't have the eyes to do the goddamned experiments. What the hell is left?

So maybe I get a job in physics researching something boring but without lasers. Now my job is not only unsatisfying, but really hard to boot. Who does physics just because they can do the job? I might as well take some shit job at some shit workerbee business.

I have also had absolutely no girlfriend or even dates for about two years now. The only two girls who have even flirted with me in that time didn't work out at all - one was almost three years younger than me (and even more young in mental age) and another was batshit insane. And, of course, I had to go and fall for a friend of three years who has never really shown any attraction to me whatsoever. Good fucking job on my part.

I have no direction; I just amble feebly from week to week in the hopes of some good news coming along occasionally. But frankly, this will never happen unless I do something to change all of this, but what can I change? I've looked at so many options and they all have the same problems regarding my eyes. What on earth do I do with my life?